Girl Cat Gets Some Publicity

>> Friday, July 24, 2009

Last week I promised you I would soon introduce you to the rest of the cats in our colony. Honestly, I'm not really cat crazy (or at least not much). I really do think cats are funny. When you think about it, a lot of us think pets (especially cats), are funny. Why else would we EVER tune into America's Funniest Pets? It sure isn't for the sophisticated humor of the host.

Girl Cat was one of the two original "twins" that came to live with us. She weighs about 8 pounds, and most of it is fluff. She lets her twin push her around, but he is the only one who can, and for years she has had me confounded as to whether she is the smartest cat I have ever met or the dumbest. Let me give you some examples.

For a time, we had the twins confined to a single room of the house. We had gates put up, stacked boxes, everything we could think of. Each of them struggled to find their way out. Girl Cat would climb the gate and leap to freedom on the other side, at which time one of us would chase after her to bring her back. One night, Darling Husband stood on the "outside" of the gate and watched her. She decided to make a run for it anyway and climbed right past him. He pushed her back down. She climbed again. He pushed her more firmly. She climbed again. He pushed her back and scootched her away from the gate altogether. She ran back and climbed again. Nothing was going to keep her from making a mad dash for the rest of the house. It didn't matter that Darling Husband was standing right there. It didn't matter she was leaving her food, her bed, and all available petting hands behind. She was going to go. In the meantime, Big Black Cat (then Little Black Cat) was practicing his sneaking around techinques and would stealthily try to escape. Not Girl Cat. She was brute force. That day I nicknamed her the dumbest cat on the planet. She couldn't even figure out that waiting five minutes for Darling Husband to walk away would clear her path. No, she would prefer to keep climbing and climbing and let him keep knocking her down.

Well, time has passed, and Girl Cat is still brute force incarnate around everyone but her twin. She has bullied every single foster cat that has ever come into this house. There is nothing more incongruous than seeing an 8 pound ball of fluff back a 13 pound wildcat to the top of the toilet and have him crying for help. I don't know how she does it. She seems to neither be smart enough or strong enough to open doors (like Big Black Cat). But, she does seem smart enough to go and get Big Black Cat and have him open doors for her. When I catch her sleeping on the back of the couch (where she isn't allowed to be), she doesn't seem to have the sense to run away before I get over to her. I don't know if she thinks she can stare me down or what, but she requires forcible removal from said couch (at which time she promptly retaliates by leaving behind a shower of fur).

Girl Cat is a sweet cat, within limits. She is the most maternal of all the felines in the house in that she seems to care deeply for Toddler. While Toddler was still in the hospital, we would bring his newborn blankets home to be washed, and she used to steal the blankets and drag them away to lay on them. (Yet, given an awake and talking/walking child, see if you can find her anywhere.) She has yet to forgive me for bringing Toddler into her world in the flesh, though. He was much better when he was just a smell on a blanket. She still thinks his bedroom is her playroom (which it was BT (Before Toddler).) She still sleeps under his bed where she used to sleep, hides in his closet, and when she is feeling especially willful, up on his changing pad. Sometimes, too, I think she deliberately sheds little clumps of white fur in his room just so I understand that she hasn't yet relinquished her claim. (I spend more time sweeping up cat fur in that room....)

None of this even compares to how ticked off she is at us for letting Houdini move in. Houdini has a major crush on Girl Cat, but she believes he is beneath contempt (when she isn't using him as a punching bag). Poor Houdini is so googly-eyed in love with her that he won't fight back (but he has no problems taking a swat at any other cat, inside or out). He just hunkers down and cries for help. I wish I could cow my adversaries with the kind of glare Girl Cat uses. Sometimes it even gives me chills when I have, apparently, done something wrong. I mean, just look at it.


Girl Cat will have nothing to do with Houdini, though, because her romantic interests in this world are for Darling Husband. I think we have one of the first documented cases of interspecies romantic love by a cat. The way she looks at him, crawls up him, and proprietarily claims his chest as her nap place speaks volumes, but not quite as much as the jealous stare she gives me when Darling Husband scratches my back instead of hers. Think I'm kidding? Look at this picture.


If she were human, I'd be watching my back, that is for sure. She has an evil streak, that one. Wait. Did I say the dumbest cat on the planet?

All things are good with Girl Cat so long as we lowly humans remember a few simple things. All boxes are hers (unless they are Big Black Cat's). All suitcases are cat beds. All people are hers. Period. Dangle the toys slowly, or I will get annoyed. Don't touch me when I'm eating. If you don't touch me when I want you to, I will meow pitifully and follow you around the bedroom. If you insist on walking past me, I will climb your leg. Keep these straight, and we will all get along just fine, got it?

(On a slightly different note, for those of you who wonder who is really in control, cats or humans, I offer you this Yahoo article for your consideration:


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