Chaos Footprint

>> Thursday, July 2, 2009

We have got to do something about this internet! I may be somewhat more productive without it, but there is a lot of running back and forth – can I log in now? How about now? What about now? How long will the connection last? All these questions are giving me a nervous tick. On a quick side note, I just had to tell the toddler that Daddy and Mommy keep going downstairs to the basement to, “fix the internet.” Then, for some crazy, coffee deprived reason, I told him the internet lives in the basement. If he ends up with some irrational fear of basements when he gets older, I guess I’ll know why. Why do we say such things to our children?

Anyway, we all have been instructed and cautioned about the risks of our “carbon footprint” on this planet. I have a friend in Ohio who is working on reducing her “storage footprint” and is getting rid of a lot of things. On Day 5 of very limited internet capability, my brain is spinning again, and this idea of a “footprint” for this or that has got me thinking about the forces of the universe and something I have decided to call the “chaos footprint.”

Despite whether we choose to join the dark side of Entropy and Chaos or the light side of Order and Organization, I think we all have some form of chaos footprint that can leave greater or lesser degrees of headaches and exhaustion in our wake.

Take us, for example. Despite my one woman crusade against the forces of Entropy and Chaos, using the forces of Order and Organization, our chaos footprint is quite large. Even before we had children, the news was not good. Darling Husband and I would pack for a weekend visit to my mother’s house, and within seconds of us arriving, the suitcases would explode all over the bedroom and our things would be strewn from room to room. It really took a shockingly short amount of time for this strange phenomenon to happen. Hotel rooms were somewhat better, but only because there was a limited amount of space in which to leave our mark. At some point, the density of the clutter would cause strange grumblings, a lot of tripping over shoes, and even some raw nerves and quick tempers, causing us to marshal our strength to fight back and tidy up.

It goes almost without saying that small children have a fairly large chaos footprint. Even those inclined toward neatness are inspired to a great degree of general chaos, which is why mankind invented nurseries in church. If you need proof of this phenomenon, picture your nearest toddler when, for whatever good and beneficial reason, the chairs of his dining room are out of place. It wouldn’t matter if you were cleaning them, cleaning the floor, selling them, or using them to hold the French doors closed – they are OUT OF PLACE AND MUST GO BACK AT ALL COSTS, IMMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER. Chaos ensues.

I believe I have discovered, though, that the forces of Entropy and Chaos are operating in our society through secret unknown agents in “Manchurian Candidate” fashion. I am watching Darling Husband closely, because I think he is one of those Manchurian Candidates. This scenario currently makes the most sense to explain our household. Here are a few things that make me suspect DH as a Manchurian Candidate. A few days ago I asked him to go get a wrapped birthday present out of the closet to give to a houseguest. He willingly went to get the present and returned with it. Later on, I learned that in order to get the box out of the closet, he needed to remove the vacuum cleaner. Ok, that makes sense. For some reason, though, he carefully closed the closet door but left the vacuum cleaner out. Why? I asked him, but he didn’t seem to know. Things like this happen all the time, and each time, he doesn’t know. To make matters worse, in the interests of “saving time,” he has begun putting things on my side of the garage again, and the car no longer fits….

I guess I should be flattered that my crusade is so effective that Entropy and Chaos feel the need to put one of their brainwashed agents within the walls of my home, but it sure makes things challenging.

I would think about fighting back in the garage today, but of course, the rain is once again falling. I wonder how that fits into this great battle? If the internet remains disrupted, I’m sure I’ll have a theory by the end of the week.


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