I Have Belly Button Issues

This post is a bit of a confession for me.  I have a little secret that I have cringed from sharing with anyone until recently.  I thought I was all alone in the world with this little secret, but, gradually, I have learned that I am not the only one.  We are rare, perhaps, but not alone.  So, on behalf of my fellow sufferers, I am speaking out in the hopes of shedding some light on this dark little secret and bringing a little more understanding into this world.

I have ...

Belly Button Issues.  (Don't laugh;  this is serious stuff here.)

I share this trait with a sister and a sister-in-law and countless other women, but sadly, we are misunderstood, degraded, and tortured, especially by our own spouses, all because of this rotten affliction.

What are "belly button issues" you might be thinking?  If you have them, you know.  You need no further explanation.  If you don't have them, I'm not sure I can really do the condition justice with words, but I will try.  In a nutshell, I can't stand to have anything touch my belly button.  Now, I don't mean something like a shirt brushing up against the general area.  I mean something actually touching the actual belly button -- the inside part.  Oompf.  Just thinking about it gives me the shivers, and not in a good way.  I can think of nothing more disturbing to watch (or think about) than someone actually using a Q-tip in their belly button.  I am physically incapable of it and I don't know how anyone can actually do that.

Please understand, this is a real phenomenon, and I am not alone.  I don't know if a lifetime of anti-aversion therapy might get me over it, but I don't intend to try.  Even typing about it is plenty bad enough.

On the other hand, Darling Husband and several other male friends and relatives over the years have found this affliction amusing.  They have had the brilliant idea that maybe a wet willy in my belly button might solve all my problems.  Oh, good Lord, I'm hyperventilating even thinking about it.  I'm not kidding -- this is serious stuff.

Of course, I just had laproscopic surgery to remove my gall bladder.  Like any good person suffering from belly-button issues, I had to check where all the new incisions were when I woke up enough to move.  Thankfully, my so-called "belly button incision" was just above my belly button.  (Whew.)  I can handle that.  It's a little incision, not anywhere near the inside of my belly button, so I figured I was good.

As my mobility came back over the next few days, and as all the bandages came out, I noticed something a little bit alarming.  At first, I thought I was imagining it, but soon enough, I realized the terrible truth.

Part of my belly button had been stitched closed.  I had not one, but two "belly button incisions," and one of them was actually inside my belly button.  As if that wasn't bad enough, there were stitches in my belly button.

Oh, no. 

Now what.

How can I, a girl with a rare but profound case of "belly button issues" possibly handle the thought that my belly button has been stitched partially shut?

Now it's like the spot where a tooth fell out.  I feel compelled to look at it from time to time, when I'm brave enough, only to find myself totally grossed out by the idea that I have stitches in my belly button.  Of course, they are dissolvable.  Well, at least, no one has talked about taking any of them out, so I'm presuming they are supposed to dissolve.  Maybe they already have, and this is just the way my belly button is going to look from now on?  Either way, if those stitches are still there, I am not going to let anyone remove them -- ever.  No one is sticking any sharp, pointy objects near my belly button, nosiree.

I know that my post of groaning and cringing distress will fall on deaf ears with most of you.  You don't understand.  I know.  But maybe, just maybe, the next time you meet someone with belly button issues, you won't think it so funny to try to tickle their belly button.  Have pity.  Really.