I Have Belly Button Issues

>> Wednesday, July 7, 2010

This post is a bit of a confession for me.  I have a little secret that I have cringed from sharing with anyone until recently.  I thought I was all alone in the world with this little secret, but, gradually, I have learned that I am not the only one.  We are rare, perhaps, but not alone.  So, on behalf of my fellow sufferers, I am speaking out in the hopes of shedding some light on this dark little secret and bringing a little more understanding into this world.

I have ...

Belly Button Issues.  (Don't laugh;  this is serious stuff here.)

I share this trait with a sister and a sister-in-law and countless other women, but sadly, we are misunderstood, degraded, and tortured, especially by our own spouses, all because of this rotten affliction.

What are "belly button issues" you might be thinking?  If you have them, you know.  You need no further explanation.  If you don't have them, I'm not sure I can really do the condition justice with words, but I will try.  In a nutshell, I can't stand to have anything touch my belly button.  Now, I don't mean something like a shirt brushing up against the general area.  I mean something actually touching the actual belly button -- the inside part.  Oompf.  Just thinking about it gives me the shivers, and not in a good way.  I can think of nothing more disturbing to watch (or think about) than someone actually using a Q-tip in their belly button.  I am physically incapable of it and I don't know how anyone can actually do that.

Please understand, this is a real phenomenon, and I am not alone.  I don't know if a lifetime of anti-aversion therapy might get me over it, but I don't intend to try.  Even typing about it is plenty bad enough.

On the other hand, Darling Husband and several other male friends and relatives over the years have found this affliction amusing.  They have had the brilliant idea that maybe a wet willy in my belly button might solve all my problems.  Oh, good Lord, I'm hyperventilating even thinking about it.  I'm not kidding -- this is serious stuff.

Of course, I just had laproscopic surgery to remove my gall bladder.  Like any good person suffering from belly-button issues, I had to check where all the new incisions were when I woke up enough to move.  Thankfully, my so-called "belly button incision" was just above my belly button.  (Whew.)  I can handle that.  It's a little incision, not anywhere near the inside of my belly button, so I figured I was good.

As my mobility came back over the next few days, and as all the bandages came out, I noticed something a little bit alarming.  At first, I thought I was imagining it, but soon enough, I realized the terrible truth.

Part of my belly button had been stitched closed.  I had not one, but two "belly button incisions," and one of them was actually inside my belly button.  As if that wasn't bad enough, there were stitches in my belly button.

Oh, no. 

Now what.

How can I, a girl with a rare but profound case of "belly button issues" possibly handle the thought that my belly button has been stitched partially shut?

Now it's like the spot where a tooth fell out.  I feel compelled to look at it from time to time, when I'm brave enough, only to find myself totally grossed out by the idea that I have stitches in my belly button.  Of course, they are dissolvable.  Well, at least, no one has talked about taking any of them out, so I'm presuming they are supposed to dissolve.  Maybe they already have, and this is just the way my belly button is going to look from now on?  Either way, if those stitches are still there, I am not going to let anyone remove them -- ever.  No one is sticking any sharp, pointy objects near my belly button, nosiree.

I know that my post of groaning and cringing distress will fall on deaf ears with most of you.  You don't understand.  I know.  But maybe, just maybe, the next time you meet someone with belly button issues, you won't think it so funny to try to tickle their belly button.  Have pity.  Really.


Anonymous July 7, 2010 at 5:13 PM  

I'm not sure about the belly button issue, when I had an operation via the belly button I didn't mind the stitches at all, so I guess not...

btw, don't ever touch my feet, not by accident or in jest - spontaneous kicking will occur...

Grandma in the yellow house July 7, 2010 at 8:13 PM  

I guess I am lucky.. when I had cancer surgery my incision stretched from an inch above my belly button, in a semi-circle around it 1/2 inch away, and waaay down to the pelvic bone. The scar is still there 20 yrs later, but no stitches in the belly button itself, thank God! This not a fun issue to have to live with, just fun to talk about (I think)

http://www.merrillsimonfamily.blogspot.com/ July 8, 2010 at 12:39 AM  

Do what I did, just have it removed. I have no belly button therefore no issues...:o)

Karin Kysilka July 11, 2010 at 7:21 PM  

So ... @kailexness has feet issues? Is that it? Or are you just tickelish?

Grandma in the Yellow House, I would pretty much rather have your scar than stitches in my belly button. Am I to gather that the idea of stitches in your belly button is a little bit disturbing to you as well? Are you part of the club?

Roberta -- I'm trying to figure out whether my situation would improve if I took your solution or not. I think I've decided that I couldn't manage to have it done, so I'll never find out, but I think I'd rather not have one. I think you might have the ultimate solution.

But, how does one go about getting a belly button removed anyway?

Lorraine July 13, 2010 at 3:24 PM  

I have had what I think is a brilliant idea (if I do say so myself). You know how Hollywood is famous for those prosthetic facial features that actors use when they are playing a dramatic role?

What about having a "decoy" prosthetic belly button made?

Why, you could have the real belly button spackled and filed in (thereby avoiding such drastic measure as having a belly button removal procedure) and instead, add a generic decoy belly button to counteract any passerby who has the warped idea of tickling your belly button as a way of therapy.

What do you think? Should we patent the idea? I am sure there are a whole lot of us out there who may just invest!

laurenne August 24, 2010 at 12:35 AM  

Good lord this makes me sooooo happy to read!
I thought I was alone as well.
I feel like a poke in my belly button is probably quite similar to a kick in the nuts. If someone pokes me, it's worse than a cringe. I can still feel it hours later.
I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!!!

I would be freaking out if I had stitches up in there.

Why do you think we're afflicted? You think it's because we were tickled too much as kids? Or something weird with the umbilical cord? I'm dying to know.

Thanks for making me feel less weird. I'm sending this to all my friends so they'll think I'm less weird.

Karin Kysilka August 24, 2010 at 5:19 PM  

Well, I am sure glad I can make you feel less weird. No one around here believes me, either, but they are learning.

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