A Few More Random Things to Know About Me

>> Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Not quite a year ago, I created a post called, "A Few Random Things to Know About Me."  My audience at the time seemed to rather enjoy these little tidbits, so I figured maybe it was time to confess again.  After all, if you haven't figured out by now that I'm a little off-kilter, I think maybe a lot of this blog is going over your head.

1.  I dread putting on swim clothes, but not for any personal body-image reason.

I used to think that women's swim suits were among the most difficult garments to don that mankind ever invented.  (Let's remember here that my bikini days, such as they were, are more than a few years in my past, so I'm not talking about strings and thongs here.)  Those of you that have never tried on a woman's swim suit might think, what's so hard?  The padded part goes in the front, and the seat goes in the rear, step in, and there you go.  The trick is that even if the outside of the suit (or suit top, if you like the two piece ones) is pointed in the right direction, there is absolutely no guarantee that the insides aren't pointing backwards, pointing multiple directions at once, or possibly tied up in knots.  Heaven help you if the "bra" part of your suit is mesh with underwire.  You could be standing in the stall at the pool for days trying to figure out how to unravel it.

In the past few months, though, I have learned that swim trunks, at least those for little boys, can be equally as frustrating.  Imagine for a moment helping a rambunctious Toddler "hop" into a pair of swim trunks (or his, "swim soup" as he calls it), threading each foot through both the netting leg hole and the trunk leg hole.  One thing you can count on in this scenario is that Toddler will be spreading his toes to the maximum to catch any stray netting possible.  More than likely, the netting will be adjusted correctly, but both feet will end up through the same trunk leghole, effectively hog-tying the child.

2.  I am quite possibly the worst sheet-folder ever raised in the western world.  I suspect part of the problem is that I am so short, and my arms aren't long enough to keep everything lined up.  My mother taught me carefully, and she can fold a bottom sheet so that it is square, but after years of practice, I never got the hang of it.  Many, many years ago, I decided to adopt my sister's method of folding bottom sheets instead.  She told me to do it this way:  Match all four of the elastic corners as best as you can, keeping the straight edges reasonably straight, then just sort of bunch it up and throw it into the linen closet and hope no one notices. 

Let's think about this method for a moment.  I mean, the woman has a point.  If your sheets are wrinkly, the only one who will ever know is the person sneaking around in your linen closet, and in my opinion, they get what they ask for.  Once a sheet is on a bed, it's all stretched out enough that there is no such thing as a wrinkle.  If you doubt me, I welcome you to come on over and try to get that last corner on the bottom sheet over the edge of any of the mattresses in the house.  Really.  The door is open.

3.  I really hate drinking plain water, especially if it isn't nearly frozen with ice.  Yes, Egypt did present a small problem in this regard, in case you were wondering.  Even tepid water would have been an improvement in Egypt.

4.  I truly believe in salty corn chips and spicy salsa.  In fact, I would be happy if salsa was named the next great health food.  The appropriate range of spice is right at about, "my lips are burning," but definitely before, "I can't taste anything at all and my eyes are watering." 

5.  I truly love the sport of college football.  Oh, wait.  What was that?  My college football fascination isn't news?  I guess you were paying more attention than I thought.

6.  I have a really bad habit on Twitter of accidentally sending a Direct Message when I just meant to "Reply."  So, if I ever chat with you, and you are wondering what the heck is so secret that I took the discussion private ... well ... sorry.  Woops!

7.  I have a bit of a hoarding problem with books, and I own more books than I can ever reasonably expect to read before I die, and those are just the free ones I downloaded to my Kindle.  I am still planning to go to the bookstore next weekend.

8.  I am predicting a major drop in the stock of carbonated beverages over the next year, because in my post-Gallbladder state, I am finding diet sodas are lacking appeal.  Trust me, with my pre-Gallbladder soda consumption records, the beverage industry is already feeling the loss in their bottom lines.

9.  For those of you who once asked which daughter was "me" in "Shopping, A Retrospective," I am the youngest.  While I'm pointing fingers, the sister that taught me about sheet folding is the one featured in the post, "Shopping, Part II". 

Okay, that's enough about me.  Now you confess something.


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