What Comes Around Goes Around

In last Friday's post, I was chuckling to myself in the living room listening to Darling Husband sound like Bill Cosby while trying to convince Toddler to do something he didn't want to do (or, in that case, not do something he wanted to do).

I should never, ever, have even thought about laughing.

Shortly after Darling Husband managed to clean up Toddler and his lunch mess, he offered to make a run to the store for milk. Hey, how lucky can I get, right? Toddler is in his room, pretending to nap and doing a rather poor job of it, but he's contained. Darling Husband offers to go get milk and to snap a pic for me for an upcoming blog, and I get to sit still.

Right.

Sit still.

Did I mention that Toddler was only pretending to sleep? Have I mentioned recently that we are potty training? Did I ever mention that I have cats?

So here is how the next hour played out. Toddler was not settling down, and he had that "tone" to his talking that all parents know -- he isn't going to sleep unless I do something. So, upstairs I go. Almost before I get the door fully open, out runs Girl Cat between my legs. Somehow she managed to get herself locked in Toddler's bedroom when Darling Husband took Toddler upstairs, and Toddler was not offering to open the door and let her out. From the look on her face when she darted out, he had been threatening to hang her outside the window by her tail, pull out her whiskers one by one, or (heaven forbid) try to pet her. In addition, Toddler had a really messy diaper, and being in the same room with that while owning a cat's superb sense of smell had to be close to torture. My eyes were watering just walking in the doorway. Whew!

Well, we got that situation handled, got Toddler tucked back into bed, and Girl Cat was off cowering in a closet or under a bed or something. With the blur and the fur, my eyes weren't fast enough to see which way she went.

Back downstairs I went to see if the noise would stop. For a brief few moments, it did, but then I heard something I just couldn't identify, so up again I went.

This time, I walked in to find that Toddler had his circular Mickey Mouse wall clock (about 10 inches wide) in bed with him, reminding me that I have once again failed to hang it up. He also had five books in bed with him and three more on the floor. While I appreciate the love of books, I was uninspired by the clutter in the bed. So, I took the books out, bent to pick up the ones on the floor, and froze. What was that next to the wall? Why, it looked like a diaper!

A diaper.

On the floor, next to the wall.

Well that doesn't seem like the right place for a diaper.

Diapers on the floor are nothing new. Toddler pulls them out of the drawer all the time. What made me freeze was the fact that this one didn't look new. It looked distinctly buttock shaped.

I unfroze myself and turned to look more closely at Toddler in the bed. Sure enough, he was laying there, grinning like a maniac ... commando style. Au natural. Nothing on the "down there." Woah. I thought we had managed to side step the, "I'm going to take my diaper off" phase since it hadn't happened yet and we were already potty training and wearing "pink big boy pants". (Sad, I know.)

Finally adrenaline coursed through me and I reacted swiftly by getting down next to the bed to put that diaper back on. Naked Toddler with little self control -- must cover before ... woah again. Why did my jeans suddenly get wet?

OH CRAP HE PEED ON THE FLOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT FAIR! THIS WAS WAY TOO HIGH A PRICE FOR ONE LUNCH AND ONE TRIP TO THE STORE FOR MILK!

Ugh. Of course, my next thought was, "How do you get toddler pee out of the carpet?" I didn't think the cat enzyme spray will work, nor do I think it would have been the world's greatest idea. Next on my afternoon task list, of course, was cleaning the carpet, followed by glueing Toddler to his bed with the force of my "mean mommy" glare.

By the time Darling Husband got back from his errands, all was back in order. He walked in and said, "So, did you enjoy your time off?"

Grrrrrrrr.