More from Entropy

>> Monday, January 25, 2010

Hello, Entropy here, again. Yes, again. We had such a nice little chat this past Friday that I thought I would do it again today. (And by "do it" I mean co-opt Karin's blog and tell you what has really been going on around here.)

Well, Karin and Darling Husband have been fighting pretty hard against my influence since yesterday. They actully managed to clean out the toy box and get all the toys back in it, as well as a small pile to donate to charity.

I figured I needed to put a stop to this progress, so I promptly arranged for a tree guy to dump two cords of wood in their driveway in just such a way that they cannot park either car in the driveway completely, nor can they even come close to getting at the garage door. (Not that the garage door would help much since I am still multiplying boxes out there daily.) I figure that mess should keep them occupied for a little while at least. Just to be sure they weren't too diligent in getting the wood moved to the woodpile, I decided to make sure the wood drop occured the day before another long rainstorm. Yep ... that should hold 'em.

On the inside of the house, I managed to sneak into the basement, take a box of Christmas decorations, and spread them out around the house again just so Karin thinks she is crazy. Sure enough, she is wandering around, whispering to herself, "I swear we got everything last week! Where was this stuff hiding?" See, I can get away with this trick because this family has more Christmas decorations than all of New York City. Who can possibly keep track of all of those things?

Even better, when Darling Husband took a bin of decorations downstairs late yesterday afternoon, he managed to run into the heater and flip the switch, so the entire heating system of the house went off without anyone noticing (because the fireplace was going strong). This morning, when the house was only 60 degrees, I assure you -- they noticed. Then, when Toddler crawled into bed with them and put his cold feet on them, the whole neighborhood noticed. Hee, hee. (Hmm. If I'm supposed to be a mean nemesis for these people, I guess I should find a more villanous chuckle than, "Hee, hee." I'll work on that.)

Karin neglected to realize that she was out of conditioner in the shower (and in the house, really). So, when she went to take a shower, not only was there none in the shower, there was none in the bathroom, and she had to step out into the hall to grab a small bottle from a hotel stash they have in a drawer. Did I mention it was only 60 degrees in the house? She was noooootttttt happy. I think I set the tone for today rather nicely.

All this week Karin has been making silly vows about cleaning out her email so that she "catches up." Well, having her "catch up" does not further my cause of world domination, so I took some steps in that area, too. First, I increased the amount of relevant and important emails that she needs to take care of immediately. Then I also nudged a few of my minion-entropy-and-chaos-people on Twitter to start chatting with her so she spent more time than she realized talking with people she has never met, all the while thinking she is "making connections" (little knowing that it is all just me pulling strings). I also have engaged her in searching the internet endlessly for "the perfect blog layout". Every time she thinks she has one, I make sure she sees just one more page of options....

All in all, I have managed to keep this woman from scrubbing her kitchen floor for over a week. I've even managed to make the floors messier by having her stuff randomly fall every few hours, including makeup bags and plastic baggies full of cheerios.

My work here is progressing nicely.

Now, for all of you, a few words of warning. Karin thinks she wrote some nice blogs for the past two days, describing her view of all these things. In fact, when she logs onto the site, she sees what she wrote, not what I wrote. (Clever, eh?) So, when she gets back tomorrow, no matter what she says, you all just nod and smile like you know what she's talking about. Got it? See, I know you are all on my side because you are sitting around reading this blog instead of off writing your own, or cleaning your own garage, so I know you will keep this just between us. If not ... well ... I know where you live too.

PS -- To Mr. ASK, with regard to your comments to my last post, please know that I have given great consideration to your suggestions. As you know, you and I are well acquainted from the days of your perpetul kitchen remodeling. I even helped your wife and son pack for your most recent move. I would hope by now that you would understand that the most rewarding part of my job comes from the families who take my work so personally. Moving into a house with as large a personal staff as those in the Stewart employ is, well ... lacking somehow. Those who appreciate my work the most in such a situation are not those I am trying to inspire. Nonetheless, in honor of our long acquaintance, I will venture to do my utmost, sir.

With respect to this alleged twin brother of mine, I might suggest you underestimate my ability to exist in multiple places at once. This benefit comes from being a "pan dimensional being" as Mr. Douglas Adams liked to call us. I have even been known to take the form of a mouse from time to time, as Mr. Adams also astutely observed. After all our time together, I am somewhat disappointed you do not know of this talent of mine. I believe you once knew me well enough to call me Thespus. Alas, old friend, I am wounded, but I will recover.


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