Quick, Someone Build An Ark!

I know I complained before that everywhere I go it rains, but this fall has been non-stop rain. I swear, it has raining for the past six months, pretty much the entire time I've been writing this blog.

Now, of course, that previous sentence was a slight exaggeration. Yesterday it didn't rain, and there have been a few other days when I was stuck inside, looking at the nice weather, thinking I might be missing my last chance at sunshine before the film crew for "Waterworld" began setting up their equipment.

Last month I saw a guy modifying his 1970-something car with skis. Last week I had to drag the sodden leaf waste to the curb (of course beginning this task only when I saw the truck coming down the street and realizing that no one had taken the bags up yet). Each one had a puddle of water in each of the folds, and for every bag I dragged, about a gallon of water soaked into my jeans. The guy picking up the bags was wearing a trenchcoat with hood, looking strangely like a cross between Denzel Washington and the Gordon's Fisherman. Thankfully, he decide to take pity on my sopping status and came up to the house to get the rest of the bags, which he promptly dumped into the trash bin and wheeled down to the curb. Hey, I guess if you are the trash company dude, you can use the improper container all you want, right?

This afternoon I bought a lot of groceries at the store. And by a lot, I mean ... enough to have the manager call the bagger to help me to my car. (Hey, it was a big sale, plus coupons, plus an extra 15% -- it was worth the hassle. Besides, Christmas is coming. I can't tell you what I bought because some of my gift recipients read this blog faithfully.) Well, by the time we got to the car, unloaded everything, and got the doors shut, the cardboard on the soda boxes was pretty well doused from the overhead sprinkle. I got home, unloaded the car, and sure enough, one of the boxes ripped and all 12 cans went rolling around the driveway. Two of them developed pretty impressive, fountain-like leaks and a few more went under the car.

*sigh*

The driveway is wet. It has puddles. I really did NOT want to retrieve all 12 cans. I just wanted to grab the ones I could see that were not obviously foaming and abandon ship.

Nope.

No can do.

With my luck, I'll run over one and bust a tire or something. My tires pick up the oddest things. I think the guys at Just Tires are Just Tired of seeing my shining face each year.

So, down I go, into the wet to get all the cans. Since I'm now soaked from the knees down from crawling on the ground, I emptied the foaming ones on the driveway and watched the diet cola drizzle its way down the rivulets of water toward the small stream that is forming about a block away. I figured in about an hour it would make its way to the new river about a mile up the street.

Once again, I entered my house soaking wet. It's so wet around here even Houdini doesn't want to go outside anymore. We all leave our shoes in a sopping heap at the doorway. No one goes near the mud pits in the backyard -- not even the outdoor cats. We don't even bother to water the plants anymore -- we just open the door.

I bought a pack of candy canes at the store today, and as I did I wondered if it will rain until Christmas. (As a total non sequiter, the candy canes are "The Original Bobs." Who is Bob, and when did he start making candy canes? Am I supposed to know the answer to this?) Toddler tried to claim that it was "snowing," but I'm pretty sure that was wishful thinking. It was 48 degrees. If it keeps up this way much longer, we'll not be putting up any lights for the holidays. I have a thing about stringing lights while standing in puddles of water. I like my electricity out of my body, thanks.

So, I will close this post with one thought. Did anyone actually get that promise from God about the flood in writing? Notarized, perhaps? Please don't tell me now that this was all some big misunderstanding.