I Defend My People Against Killer Candy Canes

>> Monday, December 28, 2009

On a recent snowed-in Sunday, while Darling Husband was outside trying to remove two feet of snow from our cars and our neighbors were setting odds on how long (if ever) the plow would take to remember we are still part of the County, I heard a noise.

This was no ordinary noise. This was Big Black Cat's rarely heard, loud, "I Caught IT! I AM KING HUNTER" yowl. This, "MEOW," only appears in our home when Big Black Cat has captured and subdued an evil catnip mouse, the occasional bath toy of Toddler's, and various other household objects. Surpringly, Big Black Cat has not yet yowled triumphantly for any actual "live" prey, such as a Camel Cricket or, heaven forbid, a mouse. No, while he may catch live prey from time to time, he does not yowl triumphantly and bring them to me as a present. I think this may be a good thing.

So, what, you may ask, was the horrible mean prey that Big Black Cat was carrying on about? I would draw this out, but if you bothered to read the title, you can almost certainly guess. He rescued the family from a viscious, blue, killer candy cane that Toddler got from Santa and which had been hanging most menacingly on the holiday garland running up our staircase railing.

Whew! Thank goodness he saved us from ... whatever the candy cane was going to do to us. Give us cavities, perhaps. Maybe Big Black Cat has secretly begun doing promo spots for the American Dental Association. I'm not sure.

Either way, I certainly feel safer now. Don't you wish you had a Big Black Cat to save you, too?

Needless to say, the blue candy cane certainly met its match. I believe it was already snapped in two inside its wrapper when Big Black Cat mauled it. After Big Black Cat's attentions, the poor candy cane was in many more than two pieces. Thankfully for me, all of the pieces, including the dust, were still inside the wrapper. Despite that blessing ... I decided that I would heed the warning of Big Black Cat and dispose of the thing. True, it was the only blue one Toddler had, but he doesn't like candy anyway. (I know. Odd child.)

Better safe than sorry. Rest in pieces peace, blue candy cane. I'll never know what flavor you were.

If I had to be completely honest, I would guess that Big Black Cat saw fit to attack the candy cane as part of his long term apprehension about Christmas decorations, which originate with the day the paper bag tried to beat him up.

Well, either Big Black Cat failed to learn his lesson, or Christmas really is out to get him, and he was right to strike back where he could. I say this because another paper bag attacked him today, by wrapping itself around his neck in the mere 2 minutes that DH left it sitting next to him while removing its Christmas contents. This time the bag had no bows, so the fight didn't last anywhere near as long as the last time. Sadly, though, the poor animal has now run away to hide, beaten and degraded after his triumphant defeat of the candy cane.

The paper bag is sitting triumphantly on the chair.

What's a mom to do?


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