The Magnetic Power of Black

>> Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I'm stumped. No, this isn't about Christmas presents, but I'm stumped there, too. This is about tablecloths.

From what I can tell, the most disastrous color to wear a) near a Toddler, b) on a Toddler, or c) anywhere, if you are clumsy or self-conscious, is white. After all, I believe Jim Davis said something about cats being attracted to white suits (but who wears a white suit anymore? I must have that wrong. Someone check me.)

Apparently, in formal tablecloths, as with carpet, dark is the new white. The color you don't want to have unless you live in a clean room with a brilliant filtration system, is black. Basically, a black tablecloth looks great out of the package, but one drip through the dryer, and you are living in lint city.

I've had this tablecloth for a few years now, and I think it makes a rather stunning backdrop for some nice Christmas place mats ... but now, even freshly washed, the poor thing looks like a sheep slept on it. I mean, at first glance, one might be tempted to blame the cats. On further reflection ... I don't have a white cat anymore. He's been gone since I was in high school. Sure, Girl Cat has a few white hairs on her, but to make this kind of mess, we would have to pluck nearly every hair off of the average cat and lay it on the tablecloth. I checked, and she still looks pretty hairy to me.

Besides, these hairs are long-ish, and blond. Houdini's hairs might look blondish on a dark tablecloth, but they are not by any stretch long or wavy. None of my cats have long, blonde, wavy hair.

Oh, wait.

I do.

Now hold on a second. I do not go around rubbing my head against the tablecloth. I promise.

Well, anyway, however all these fuzzies got on the tablecloth, I wanted them off. I don't want to cop out and switch to a white one. I want the black one. So, I tried the dryer, and if anything, it got worse. What to do?

Well, I was using scotch tape to clean a "spot clean only" pillow (who makes these things?) that actually was infested with Houdini fur, and I had an idea. I could "tape off" the tablecloth too. Of course, scotch tape wouldn't cut it, and I'd need ... like ... postal tape or something, but it would work.

And just to show how far I've come in this world, I did it. I cleaned the entire tablecloth, one tape length at a time. Two years ago, I would have just bought a new one. Now I may never buy another one. Money is precious, but my time is precious too. Or at least, in my own mind I have way better things to do than clean a tablecloth one fiber at a time. After all, I need to check my Facebook account, right?


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