A Morning In the Life

I got up this morning, feeling bleary, as usual.  No matter how hard I try, and no matter how hard I want to, I don't make the transition from sleep to wakefulness with anything close to grace.  Legend has it (from my family, so take it for what it's worth), that I am the only child in the history of the United States that had to be woken up on Christmas morning to see what Santa brought.  Not much has changed since that mythical time.

For example, I stumbled around the room this morning, after my shower, trying to find something to wear.  I rooted through my drawer and pulled out four individual knee high stockings ... and all of them were a slightly different shade.  I mean, what are the chances?  So, I kept looking and finally came upon a matched pair I had knotted together.  With my luck, I'll put a run in one of them before I even get my shoe on, but maybe I won't even notice.

Next, I gathered my shoes and other things I needed and began heading toward the staircase.  Before I took the first step, I remembered that I am responsible for dressing more than one person in the morning, and unless I want to take my only child out in public naked (or wearing Handy Manny PJs), I'd better turn around.  Actually, I just gave myself a little bit too much credit.  I turned around because I thought I saw Houdini, out of the corner of my eye, sleeping on Toddler's bed, and I went back to chase him away -- only then remembering that bringing Toddler clothes would probably be wise.  As it was, I left his shoes upstairs and left his bed a rumpled mess.

As I approached the kitchen, I remembered the dream I had been having when Toddler came to my side of the bed and yelled, "Why, hello, Daddy!"  In my mind, I had some clever retort like, "He's over there," but instead I think I said, "Huuunnngh?"  I had been dreaming that I was trying to deal with a twitch in my cheek, below my eye, that wouldn't stop, and I remembered the dream because as I walked into the kitchen, it started again.  Not a dream, after all.  My cheek was twitching.  Somehow, this activity did not seem like a good sign to me.

I sat down at my computer and logged in, only to find that April 12th is National Big Wind Day.  "Oh no," I thought.  "This is too good to be true.  This has to be a joke."  Then, after doing a little research (thank you, Google), I found out that apparently this "holiday" commemorates the highest wind speed ever recorded on the planet, on April 12, 1934.  Huh.  What do you know.  I'd better not share the holiday with the men in my life ... if you know what I mean.  I'm too tired (not to mention too sophisticated) to deal with day's worth (or blog's worth) of passing-gas jokes.

Moving on, I went to the bathroom to get ready and found that my eyeliner was "kaput."  Like every well-prepared woman, I have an emergency backup eyeliner pencil for just these circumstances.  It may not be the exact color I want, but it's a pencil, it lasts forever, and it's always there for me.  So, I sharpened it in my little makeup kit pencil sharpener.  And ... I overdid it.  I sharpened the thing so far that it became a deadly weapon and certainly something I should not be handling this early in the morning, much less so close to my eye.  (**mash against sink, try again**) I must remember to get to the drugstore to pick up a new eyeliner later today before I forget and have to go through this whole exercise again tomorrow.  Hopefully I will remember to buy another lipstick, too, since the last one I bought (and the only one I currently own) is just the exact shade of zero that it looks like I've done nothing whatsoever to my lips.  I couldn't have managed buying one so precise if I had wanted it, but when I wanted a light color, I got blah.  Still, I've yet to manage to replace it.

Once I determined that my makeup was on reasonably straight, I noticed that the necklace I had struggled to clasp upstairs was on backwards.  **sigh**.  Some days I really need a chaperone ... or at least a warning label.

We managed to make it into the car reasonably on time, where we soon found out that Toddler now has the strength to open the car door from the inside, from his car seat, without assistance.  (Note to self:  Flip child safety latch, and remember that you did next time you try to exit the car from the inside of the back seat and get stuck.)

Good morning, world.  I'm ready now.