The Ultimate in Renewable Energy

>> Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I may have stumbled on the answer to the world's energy problems.  Actually, if I'm right, the answer has been staring us all in the face for eons.  The only question in my mind is how we safely harvest it.

This great epiphany came to me the other day when I decided to time Toddler's temper tantrum.  From start to finish, this raging ball of fury burned for an hour.  He took two five minute time out breaks to tell me calmly and quietly that he was "Mad, Mommy!"  Each time, he quieted down enough to take a few deep breaths.  He acted like he was wearing out, but after this little five minute "recharge," he was off and screaming again like his batteries were full.

So, 39 minutes into this tirade, I wondered what would happen if we could bottle all this energy and distribute it to the power plants and auto manufacturers of the world.  I think maybe, just maybe, we could solve all of our energy problems this way.  The only question left in my mind is how do we collect the energy given off during one of these tantrums in an efficient manner?  The collection device would have to be portable, because the best of tantrums happen in public, on no notice, when children are secretly hoping that their parents will do or say anything to make the screaming stop.  Other good opportunities for spontaneous tantrum-ing are:  the car when the parents are really occupied ... like when the cops have pulled over mommy or daddy for trying to get across Indiana before dark when the state magically stretches, or when parents are rummaging for change at the toll booth.  I have never witnessed this, but I hear rumors that a security station at a courthouse or airport offers ample opportunity as well.  The possibilities are endless.

The only drawback I can see is if this idea becomes all too popular.  If the general public realizes that their electric bills can plummet by harnassing the energy given off by tantruming kids, then random strangers may start following small children around to pester them and see if they will start something.  In fact, tantrums may become so accepted that they will lose their effectiveness.  Adults will welcome the screaming instead of living in fear of it, and when that happens, children will stop tantrums altogether.

Either way, I figure we win.  We get rid of our energy problems, or we end childhood temper tantrums forever. 

What do you think?  Am I on to something?

2 comments:

MOLLYC March 24, 2010 at 9:29 AM  

This is great, but I am not sure how it would work--would we ship the kids to the energy plants, or would they make house calls? Or just wire the wee ones up somehow? In a similar vein, I often thought that if the amount of methane released in my house alone could be halted, global warming would be slowed down tremendously...

Karin Kysilka March 24, 2010 at 9:44 AM  

I'm thinking of something along the lines of wiring them up with some sort of portable collector that can be attached quickly. Of course, it would ideally be small enough to carry in a diaper bag or "mommy purse".

As for the methane... yeah. Just ... yeah. You are probably on to something there!

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