I Shouldn't Be Surprised Anymore ... and Yet ...

>> Tuesday, March 23, 2010

I should stop being surprised.  I should just give it up for Lent ... oh.  A little late for that.  Maybe next year.

There are lots of things in this world that I think I should be able to count on, but I am surprised to find out that I can't.  For example: there are nine planets in our solar system.  I would think I should be able to count on this number, and at worst the number would increase, not decrease.  Alas, no.  I can't count on that.  Poor Pluto.  It's a bad time to be out of work.

I would like to count on the sun rising every morning, but I haven't seen it since Daylight Savings Time began because Virginia's climate has shifted to "Rain Forest" since around April of 2009 (something else I would like to have counted on not happening).

On the other hand, some things I don't want to count on.  I want them to change, but they never will.  I remain ever the optimist, and I continue to be surprised when they don't change, but I am getting weary.

Here are a few of those things.  Please feel free to add some of your own.

1.  Tall men are physicially incapable of seeing crumbs on a countertop, yogurt smears on a table, and rings in a bathtub.  It took me a long time to figure out what was the real problem with this one, and I finally narrowed it down to "tall men."  I know plenty of people, men and women alike, who refuse to do anything about rings in the bathtub and crumbs on the table, but for the most part these people can see the mess.  They have to be able to see it to refuse to do anything about it.  Also, I have met short men and tall women that are fastidious about messes even I can't see.  Finally, I figured it out when I found Darling Husband vacumming the carpet with the hose while on his knees.  His reason?  "I want to be able to see if I miss anything."  It all makes sense now.

2.  Small children consider the words, "Honey, Mommy needs a minute" to be a personal challenge.  Often this observation is true for larger children as well, sometimes very large children.

3.  Counting to 3 at the cat will only make the cat look at you funny.  Cats may act like the average toddler some days, but they still can't count.

4.  I can have a mutual discussion with someone, only to find out later that we each were having a different conversation.  It would go something like this:

Roommate:  I went ahead and moved the laundry from the washer to the dryer and folded the stuff in the dryer. 
Me:  Thanks!  (Time passes.)   Umm, how come there are no socks on my pile other than the ones I folded?
Roommate:  I don't know.
Me:  Did you fold any of my socks?
Roommate:  Um, no.  Was I supposed to?
Me:  They were part of the load in the dryer.
Roommate:  Oh.  They are on the dryer in a heap waiting for you to mate them.
Me:  Oh.

If I told you what happened when I asked someone to put my computer in my bag by the front door, I don't think you'd believe me.

5.  I will probably never be able to find the secret switch that activates the moment the bathroom door is closed by sending out a signal to eveyone in a 6 mile radius to "Come now!  Now!"

6.  Murphy's Law is alive and well and gaining strength.

7. Highways run in two directions, but apparently they are not the same length in each direction.  Actually, they appear to change length depending on who is driving.  If you understand this sad fact of life, then my hat is off to you noble sir or madam.  If you can't figure out what I'm talking about, I won't be expecting you at my 50th birthday party.  

8. One you become a practicing lawyer, there are a few words you never type correctly again.  They are: statute statue, and waive wave. I have tried for years to fix this problem.

I would change every one of these items (and more) if I could.  In fact, in my, "the glass is half full" kind of world I am ever hopeful they will change, and eternally disappointed when they do not.


Susan March 23, 2010 at 12:51 PM  

Yep. I think the only thing you can count on in life is that you can't count on things to remain the same. Hope all's going well.

Karin Kysilka March 28, 2010 at 5:25 PM  

Hmm. Susan, I think you may have given me an idea. If I count on my husband being a ... whatever trait I'm picking on him for today (with all the love and kindness in the world) ... then maybe he will stop doing it? Maybe? I'll probably have to start counting on it with real earnestness and not faking it for the sake of changing it, though, and I'm not sure I could do that.


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