Tips On How To Be A Successful Blogger

(I seem to be in a bit of a "top 10" (ish) mode lately.  I know, you probably prefer a little variety, but it was either this post, or more silence for a few days, so you'll just have to deal with it, or skip on to the next blogger you like to read.  Your choice.)

After another hilarious week in the "It's All Good" House, resulting in lots of laughter and absolutely no blogging, I decided to sit down and analyze my problem.  (With blogging.  My problem with blogging.)  I used to be the blogger that posted every Monday through Friday, for nearly an entire year.  Then I went and got myself sick with that old gall bladder nastiness, had a few minor surgeries, took a trip out of the country (and here, and here), survived Bubba starting school, took a trip out of town (and here, and here), got a cold that wouldn't quit, and I've never managed to get back on the ball in quite the same way.

What the heck happened?  I lost my momentum, that is what happened.  A blogger in typing mode will tend to stay in typing mode, but a blogger on vacation ....  So, while trying to get back up on the proverbial horse, and actually stay there, I analyzed some of the biggest obstacles in achieving my blogging-momentum.  The result of all this deliberating is this list I have created for you:  my own special tips on how to be a successful blogger.  (In other words, don't do what I do if you want to succeed.)

If you want to be a successful blogger:

1.  Avoid Facebook like the plague.  If you absolutely must join Facebook's Networked Blogs because, well, you feel a blog is not worthwhile without a few followers that haven't known you since you were two, then be absolutely sure you are never suckered into playing Farmville or Frontierville.  These games will implode your day before you realize it.

2.  Don't raise children.  That will provide you with endless fodder, for sure, but it, too, will suck up all the time in your day and all the energy you need to actually type a blog post.  Instead, borrow children periodically from your friends and neighbors.  They will love to share.  Trust me.

3.  Keep a tablet by your bedside table for all those fabulous ideas you have in the middle of the night.  No matter how much you think you will remember them in the morning, you won't, and no one will ever believe you had them.

4.  Avoid answering the phone when people call.  Time spent chatting on the phone is time you could spend blogging.

5.  Have a big extended family and an network of friends that goes back ages.  These types of friends and family are more likely to elect to "follow" your blog publicly and to comment every so often so that you feel like you aren't talking to yourself.  (Note that keeping in touch with these people might actually require you to break rule number 1 or rule number 4.)  If you have such a network, and they don't volunteer to help you, feel free to threaten them with sharing old family or playground secrets in your blog.  Either they will follow you to shut you up (or see if you are serious), or they will call your bluff because you aren't a popular enough blogger for them to worry about their secrets.  Regardless, you win.

6.  Make friends with lots of other bloggers.  Be sure to "follow" their blogs.  Don't actually read them, though.  There are so many talented and worthwhile blogs out there that you will spend all your valuable time reading them and forgetting about yours.

7.  Don't read your email, or spend anytime actually reading anything on Twitter, for the same reason as #6.  How you will actually "make friends" with other bloggers without reading their blogs or chatting with them on Twitter is an issue I haven't managed to solve yet.

8.  Have pets.  They make great blog fodder. 

9.  Have another family member in charge of actually caring for the pets you obtain pursuant to #8.

10.  Carry a camera with you at all times, so if you start to falter, you will always have a stock of "Wordless Wednesday" photos in reserve.

And there you have it.