Computers Lie and Cheat.

>> Friday, May 29, 2009

Computers lie. I know my techie friends would say that it has nothing to do with computers, but everything to do with the idiots who program them (speaking for yourselves, boys?). I can't agree. No one can possibly program a computer to taunt me this way.

You tell me. Do they lie?

This blogger says my first post was at 6:18 AM. I was in bed. Then it said my second post was an hour later. It was actually about 7 hours later. I don't get it. But don't be fooled. I don't get up at 6AM to blog for you guys. That would really be psychotic.

Yesterday my Wii Fit said I was 47 years old. Today, my balance test was worse, but it said I lost a pound and my new Wii Fit Age is 38. ?????? Then it proceeded to tell me that my weight loss (over a 24 hour period) was at an appropriate speed, but did I know that my weight fluctuates by 2 pounds throughout the day, so I might not have lost anything. Um ... okay. So I went through all that text to have it tell me that I've done a good job accomplishing nothing, but it made it sound good! This sounds like a husband's lie to me ... "you always look good to me, honey," and it is probably doing it to keep out of trouble, too!

Every week I set my laundry to dry. It buzzes, and quite often, something isn't dry. So, then I go to push "10 minutes" (or 30) to let it go again. Without fail, it switches itself to a sensor dry mode, runs for 5 minutes, and nags me with the buzzer until I come and get it again. Who programmed it to do that, and why would you bother?

And then there is Facebook. Every day I get a blurb on the side of my homepage under a section that says, "People You May Know. -- You and John Smith went to Penn State together. Become Friends with John Smith." Ummm, sorry, Facebook. Penn State is a big place with a whole lot of alums. It takes more than Penn State in common for me to want to "friend" someone.

Let's talk about modern technology. Less than two years ago, I was lamenting America's crazy obsession with the GPS. What on earth do you need one of those for? I mean, Yahoo Maps works just fine! (And what did we do before Yahoo? Paper Maps!!!!) But now, someone has walked off with my GPS (*gasp*). What on earth will I do now? I'm going away to another CITY, WITHOUT MY GPS! How will I ever find my way? How indeed? Las Vegas was fine with a map the first time, and we got lost a whole lot more often the second time WITH the GPS. Nonetheless, I am certain I will be lost in Lake Tahoe without my GPS. How will I know whether there is a Sunoco or a BP at the next exit? What if it's a Texaco instead? How will I ever cope? What if I get lost? Will I have to (heaven forbid) ask for directions? All my male ancestors are rolling over in their graves at the thought. I succumbed. I went "tech". Now I cannot do without.

Its the same thing with my DVR. I didn't understand the need for a DVR, and now I can't imagine life without it. It would be worse than living without my on-screen TV guide. I just wish we had bought the kind of DVR membership that allowed me to watch my recorded TV shows in every room of the house. I'm sure once we fix that I will actually get more work done around the house because I won't have to stop watching TV to put the laundry away. I can just go from room to room, watching last weekend's House marathon and not miss a syllable. (PS -- don't tell me who won Survivor yet. We haven't watched it. We have to get through last season's series finale of Battlestar Gallactica first. There are only ten episodes to go.....)

If I still used my VCR (or even the DVD recorder), I have a feeling I would have seen it all by now, but this is better, right? I can save more things because it is so easy to do. How did I ever survive without being able to watch House every day of the week? I would have been stuck with all the versions of Law and Order broadcast and rebroadcast on 3 networks 6 days a week, and what fun would that be?

I will say that I broke the Blackberry addiction. I no longer have a Blackberry, and you cannot email me outside my home. If I'm out, and you need me, you have to call. (*gasp*) And sometimes ... I even leave my cellphone in the car. Deal with it.


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