It's Still Wednesday, Right? -- Wordless Wednesday

I think she's trying to tell us something.

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The 12 Days of Christmas Like You've Never Seen Them

A few weeks ago, I went a bit nuts again, and decided it was time that my bloggy-friends and I all blogged on the same topic again.  This time, though, I was going to make sure to pin the blame (and the job of hosting the challenge) on another blogger.  If the plan is a resounding success, of course I will produce my emails and chat sessions and claim lots of credit.  If the plan bombs ... well ... it's on @jterziett's page, not mine, right?

But, seriously (if that is even possible), please check out Juliette's blog, where she is writing her version of The 12 Days of Christmas, and where several (hopefully lots) of our fellow bloggers will be posting their links about their version of The 12 Days of Christmas.

In the meantime, I give you MY version of The 12 Days of Christmas.  Pay attention.  You might learn something you didn't know before.

On the first day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
A hyperactive 3 year old boy.

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Two trees to decorate
And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.

On the third day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Three anxious cats,
Two trees to decorate,

And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.

On the fourth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Forty people to shop for,
Three anxious cats,
Two trees to decorate,
And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.]

On the fifth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me
A baby due in spring,
Forty people to shop for,
Three anxious cats,
Two trees to decorate,
And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.

On the sixth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me
Six broken ornaments,
A baby due in spring,
Forty people to shop for,
Three anxious cats,
Two trees to decorate,
And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.
On the seventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me
A freaky Thursday snowstorm,
Six broken ornaments,
A baby due in spring,
Forty people to shop for,
Three anxious cats,
Two trees to decorate,
And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.

On the eight day of Christmas

My true love gave to me
Eight singing Christmas toys,
A freaky Thursday snowstorm,
Six broken ornaments,
A baby due in spring,
Forty people to shop for,
Three anxious cats,
Two trees to decorate,
And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.

On the ninth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me
My car in the shop,

Eight singing Christmas toys,
A freaky Thursday snowstorm,
Six broken ornaments,
A baby due in spring,
Forty people to shop for,
Three anxious cats,
Two trees to decorate,
And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.

On the tenth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me
A ten-hour sleep deficit,
My car in the shop,
Eight singing Christmas toys,
A freaky Thursday snowstorm,
Six broken ornaments,
A baby due in spring,
Forty people to shop for,
Three anxious cats,
Two trees to decorate,
And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.

On the eleventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me
A school plague of pink eye,
A ten-hour sleep deficit,
My car in the shop,
Eight singing Christmas toys,
A freaky Thursday snowstorm,
Six broken ornaments,
A baby due in spring,
Forty people to shop for,
Three anxious cats,
Two trees to decorate,
And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.

On the twelfth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me
Twelve rooms to clean,
A school plague of pink eye,
A ten-hour sleep deficit,
My car in the shop,
Eight singing Christmas toys,
A freaky Thursday snowstorm,
Six broken ornaments,
A baby due in spring,
Forty people to shop for,
Three anxious cats,
Two trees to decorate,
And a hyperactive 3 year old boy.

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And How Was Your Week?

Hello, how are you this week?  What have you been up to? 

Me?  My week has been ... well... I don't know how best to explain it.  I think you might get the best idea of how things have been if I give you some excerpts of some sentences we heard around our house recently.

1.  "Mommy, I kissed Sydney on the cheek at school, and Sydney kissed me on the cheek too." [Mommy promptly faints.  I am too young for this.]

2.  "Two person destruction team for sale, very cheap - one is 37 and tall enough to get the high stuff, and one is 3 and tough enough roll over everything. They can work in tandem or tag team. This is a once in a lifetime deal. Get it while you can."

3.  "The weather stripping on the front driver's side door of the car fell off.  No, really, it fell off almost completely."

4.  "Ma'am, your mud flap has fallen off and is caught on your tire.  We fixed it, no problem, but while we had the car jacked up, we noticed your shocks are leaking.  You'll have to take that to the dealership."

5.  Parent:  "Honey, what do you want for dinner?"  Child:  "Chocolate."  Parent:  "Chocolate milk?"  Child:  "No.  Chocolate."

6.  "Did we get him the root beer maker as a Christmas gift before, or not?  I just can't remember."

7.  "KFC is no longer serving the Twister sandwich.  In fact, the only sandwich they still have is that gross double-whatsit.  My life is ruined."

8.  "Don't worry.  I know where it is.  I don't need the address."

9.  "Woops.  It says it's Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys, but it's some stupid 2001 version about a toy taker.  These things should have a warning label."

10.  "Oh, good Lord, those markers had BETTER be washable."

11.  Parent:  "Why are there stickers stuck inside your sneakers?"  Child:  "Because that's where they go."

12.  Child:  "Mommy, I can't find what it is I am looking for."  Parent:  "What are you looking for?"  Child:  "I'm looking for another thing."  Parent:  "?????"

I think that about sums up everything about as well as anything.

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Holiday Don't Wish List

It's the holiday time again.  I love December.  I can sing "Jingle Bells" without anyone thinking I'm singing an Elmo song, and the entire world cloaks itself in bright, festive colors.  Thanksgiving is great, don't get me wrong, but Christmas has Thanksgiving beat up one side and down the other when it comes to decorations.  I mean, brown, orange, and gloomy fall colors when you can have flaming red and crayola crayon green?  Is that really even a choice?

Of course, Christmas season means gift giving, and gift giving means ... lists.

I have a love-hate relationship with lists -- mostly hate.

You see, I like surprises.  I would much rather have someone buy me something they think I will like and be surprised then buy something I know I will like and have no surprises.  On the other hand, some people get too worked up about getting the "right" gift, and I'd like to de-stress them.  After all, if I don't mind taking something back and exchanging it, why should they?  It isn't like it's a personal failure, although some people take it that way.  People are different, and trust me, if someone is having a tough time buying me the "right" gift, then chances are I am having the same problem with them.  Things like to work out that way.

As far as me buying from a list ... I'll admit, I seldom do it.  I sometimes use a list to fill out a Christmas or birthday offering, and sometimes I use it to get launching off ideas, but I do try to venture out on my own when I can.  (Some years it doesn't work, and I have to list-shop.)  Why do I do this?  Well, I figure if I like surprises, then everyone else will too.  I know the theory is flawed, but it's all I have.

When it comes to what is on my list, well ... I have trouble remembering what I want when the time comes to sit down and write it.  Each year I think to myself how much easier it would be if I just wrote an "I Don't Want" list.  (Seriously, I did that once, on my baby registry for Bubba.  In the top, in a big note, I wrote, "Please, no Precious Moments toys or decorations for the baby."  I'm sorry to say that not everyone listened.)  The reasons I don't write a "Don't Want" list are simple:  1.  Someone is bound to ignore it (see prior sentence), and 2. These kinds of lists make me sound bitchy and high maintenance.  (Can I say "bitchy" in this blog and still be considered PG?  Hmmm.)

If I were to write a "Don't Want" list, I think it would probably read something like this:

1.  I seldom wear pink.  There is a reason for this.  I only like one shade of pink, and it's hard to find.  All other shades of pink I wear out of necessity.  For example, when a woman borrow's maternity clothes, she cannot return all things pink and be considered polite.  Also, there are only so many different colors of silk blouse "shells" to wear under suitcoats without running into a pinkish color.  Thus, to minimize returns, pink is a color I would advise avoiding.

2.  I wear yellow even less than I wear pink.  I do this because I have only ever found one yellow shirt in my entire life that didn't make people want to rush me to the emergency room as soon as I tried it on.  I bought it for the sheer novelty.  Unlike most shades of pink, I actually like yellow.  Yellow does not like me, though.

3.  I hate beige and wear it only when the only other choice is nakedness.  Beige looks quite bad on me, and I do much better in white, even thugh white attracts stains like a kid with chocolate.  In fact, I despise beige so much that every time I move into a new house, I paint all the realtor-beige walls bright white.  I think the place always looks much larger that way, but my real estate agent friends universally cringe when they hear me say this.

4.  Precious Moments statues with their big, sad eyes give me nightmares.  I know they are supposed to look "cute," but I think they often look like a kid whose parent just died.

5.  Romance novels are predictable, murder novels are gruesome, and most lawyer novels are just plain wrong.  All other books, fiction or nonfiction, are warmly welcomed.

6.  Contrary to popular belief, I love getting clothes for Christmas, so long as that isn't all I get.  I'm a tough fit, and I seem to be no particular size, so a return is almost always required, but I can't fairly call clothes a "Don't Wish" item.  (I guess that means that technically I shouldn't mention it on this list, but hey, it's my blog.)

7.  I have all the cooking implements any human could ever want, unless you happen to be Emeril or Rachel Ray (and I, clearly, am not).  Unless a particular kitchen cooking tool appears on my "Wish List," then you should consider it to be on my "Don't Wish" list.  This restriction does not apply to hand towels or dish towels.  No family with children can ever have enough of these.

8.  I don't generally "do" floral prints.  Poinsettias are the great exception to this rule. 

9.  I LOVE Christmas decorations.  I may have mentioned that already.  I have a catch, though.  I like my Christmas decorations (and wrapping paper, for that matter), to look realistic, not cartoonish.  Clowns are not Christmas, and Santa's head is not shaped like a conehead.

10.  Last, but not least, I DO NOT WISH ... anyone to take this list too seriously and get all worked up over Christmas gift-buying.  And yet, I am absolutely certain someone will print out this blog post and take it to the store with them to make sure they don't make a mistake.  I'm just not sure who it will be.

Of course, now that I've printed this post, I am expecting a special delivery from my sister (or possibly my friend in southeastern PA, or quite likely several of my special needs moms with twisted senses of humor), containing a beige sweater with pink and yellow flowers on the front and a big old glow-in-the-dark Precious Moments figurine for my bedroom.  Of course, they will send it without the receipt just for spite.

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